Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
