he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
