Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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