i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
