It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
