I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
