sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
