i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
