I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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