my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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