I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you had me at cake vodka
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
