everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
