My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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