I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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