I can't watch pbs sober anymore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
