she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
