she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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