When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
