youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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