can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
