Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
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