I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
