hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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