So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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