Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
