So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
