The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
