Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
