And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
