in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
