Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
