the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
