I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
