I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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