Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
