its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
