you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
