Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
