I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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