Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
