He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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