You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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