you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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