this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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