just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
