Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
