I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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