Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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