I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
