Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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