he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
