just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
