Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
